Family Fun in Washington DC

In August 2012, we took our three kids on a road trip to DC and spent 10 days there doing all the tourist things. I've been asked several times for suggestions based on what we saw and liked for others planning similar trips. Instead of re-writing the whole thing each time, I put it all here and will be more than happy to direct anyone to read through this and ask any other questions. There are also many resources online for what to do in DC with families.

National Mall. Note that all the Smithsonian (and many other) museums are free, which is a win, but they partly compensate for that with the prices of food. We never took the time to really search out food options outside the museums while we were there. We chose convenience over price. We tended to buy lunch in the cafes/restaurants while out sight-seeing, and then make our own simple dinners at the hotel (we had a small kitchenette). Also, there's no subway/bus line that really goes around the mall so you have to do a lot of walking.

 

Downtown DC

• Air and Space Museum. Kind of a must with kids. Great exhibits and interactive areas. The cafe here sucks big time - it's McDonald's and always crammed and gross. We went to the Museum of the American Indian next door for lunch and then came back rather than fighting through this cafe.
• Museum of the American Indian. I wish we'd spent time here, but we never made it past the lobby on the way to the cafe. I've only heard amazing things about it. The cafe is expensive, but very good with a rotating menu that reflects different Native American traditions and cultures.
• Museum of Natural History. Kids loved this one. Lots of diverse and really interesting exhibits. The gemstones exhibit is unique. Cafe is standard cafeteria food. Good, but (as usual) expensive.
• Museum of American History. Our kids loved the transportation section, the Star-Spangled Banner, and Kermit, but not much else. They didn't understand most of the contemporary cultural exhibits. But they have a lot of rotating exhibits, so there are probably different exhibits now.
• National Gallery of Art. Absolutely lovely if you have an art lover. And they have the only DaVinci in North America. The cafe in the basement is very nice and overlooks both a dug-out waterfall and a tunnel of lights that's a lot of fun to walk through.
• Sculpture Garden. Outdoor part of the National Gallery. It was really nice to walk around it in the summer. There is a Pavilion Cafe in the sculpture garden that we really enjoyed.
• National Archives. Totally worth it and doesn't take too long. See the original Declaration of Independence and Constitution and one of the original Magna Carta. We went first thing one morning and there was virtually no line.
• White House. It’s a self-guided tour, and you can go at your own pace and spend as much time in each room as you want. It covers the official state rooms, and there are Secret Service officers stationed in each room. Those officers are an amazing wealth of knowledge! They will answer any questions and tell amazing stories about administrations and events in each of the rooms. But you usually have to request (free) tickets at least six months in advance through your Representative or Senator. Note: Tours are current suspended due to sequestration. Hopefully that will change soon.
  
• Capitol/Library of Congress. You can walk into the Capitol visitor center and get a free tour ticket anytime. The standard tour is okay (you can see the dome), but if you contact your Representative or Senator ahead of time you might be able to get tickets to the galleries that look out on the chamber floors. There's an underground walkway from the Capitol to the Library of Congress. We walked around the LoC for less than an hour, but I'm glad we did. Stunning architecture and displays in the main lobby.
• Bureau of Engraving and Printing. A really interesting tour. Watch real paper bills being printed!
• Monuments/Memorials. Washington/Lincoln/Vietnam are all close together (opposite end of
  
  the Mall from the Capitol) around the Reflecting Pool and somewhat easy to walk to, though the Lincoln Memorial is at the very far end of the Mall. The kids really liked these. We never made it to the Jefferson or Roosevelt monuments, because those require walking to the other side of the reservoir and our kids just didn't have it in them at the time.

Other around DC

• National Zoo. It's okay. Very, very hilly which made for lots of complaining from our crew because we were there after spending several days walking all over the Mall. The pandas are certainly unique, but the rest of it is a regular zoo. Food is typical zoo-fare, but there are lots of little eateries on the city streets just outside the zoo. The Zoo is also free (part of the Smithsonian) so it’s easy to come and go as often as you like.
• Udvar-Hazy (annex of the Air and Space Museum). About an hour from downtown DC near
  
  Dulles airport in VA. This is the one we're all dying to go back to already! There's not really any interactive stuff, so Audrey was a bit harder to keep engaged. But it's an ENORMOUS hanger filled with planes and other aircraft. Fascinating stuff. I think it's worth the drive even if all you do is visit the space wing to see the Space Shuttle Discovery nose-to-nose – it’s a breath-taking experience! Again, cafe is nothing but McDonald's and there's no place to go outside the building. But you can bring your own food.
• National Aquarium. This is in Baltimore. It's a nice aquarium, but I'm not sure I'd make it a priority over the stuff in downtown DC.
• B&O Railroad Museum. Also in Baltimore. One of my husband’s favorites. A must for any train lover.
• Mount Vernon. About an hour drive from DC and very nicely maintained. You can easily
  
  spend a full day walking around the grounds.
  

If you contact the office of your Senator or Representative, you can also get (free) tickets to tours of the Bureau of Engraving and Printing, Library of Congress, or Kennedy Center for the Arts. There may be a few other options, too. It's only the White House tours that require long advance notice and background checks.

What We Didn’t Get To, But Hear Great Things About

• Botanical Gardens near The Capitol
• Supreme Court tour
• Georgetown. Lots of boutiques, small interesting shops, and restaurants. There is no public transportation to Georgetown, so you need to walk a mile or so from the nearest Metro stop. There is an amazing hole-in-the-wall cupcake/baked goods store called Baked &Wired that is definitely worth the trek! 
• Newseum
• Arlington National Cemetery
• Holocaust Museum. We thought our kids were too young at the time and we hadn’t discussed the Holocaust with the younger two yet, but I’ve heard they have a really good space for kids that is very age appropriate.
• Wolf Trap
• NASA Goddard Space FlightCenter in Greenbelt, Maryland

We stayed at Residence Inn in Greenbelt, Maryland, about a 5 minute drive from a Metro station with a very large commuter parking lot. The hotel prices in DC were astronomical, and we really wanted a place with a kitchen so we could make our own dinners after a long day of sight-seeing.

Nike Women Half Marathon

On Sunday April 27, 2013, I participated in the inaugural Nike Women Half Marathon in Washington DC along with 15,000+ other runners (mostly women), including my partner-in-crime for the day Alison. This was my first half marathon.

The course meandered around the big sights of downtown Washington DC - National Mall, Washington Monument, Lincoln Memorial, National Archives, the Capitol, and so much more. A lovely, lovely course. 

 

Alison and I at the "We Run" sign at the Nike Expotique. It was amazingly perfectly proportioned to be able to use it as a cover photo. Which I did. Have to give Nike credit for knowing their audience and catering to discerning women with disposable income who like to shop.

 

After dinner near Dupont Circle the evening before the race, we were able to stick around to see President Obama's motorcade on the way to the White House Correspondent's dinner. Streets were blocked off and the helicopter started circling about 30 minutes before. About 10 minutes before, police cars startied zipping up and down the empty streets. Then came the motorcycle cops - 7 or 8 of them. Followed by several police cars, two black limos (above - one of which carried the President), two large black SUVs (also above), more police cars, an ambulance, more police cars, and more motorcycle cops. The DC locals seemed to not even notice. I was quite impressed, and can't imagine living in a way that requires that kind of environment.

On the wall outside Nike Georgetown, there was a mural that said "We Run DC" created out of all the names of the registered runners. It was quite something. And right down the street was Baked & Wired, where Wayland introduced me to the most amazing Coconut Cupcake ever!

 Look! There's my name!

Waking up at 5am on race day was rather difficult, especially since I'd had to wake up at 5:30am the day before to get to the airport. But I managed to find my way out of my cousin's apartment in the dark and actually find my way back to the Metro station. Unfortunately, I'd forgotten to bring any of my breakfast that morning, but there was a 7-11 open so I was able to grab a banana, a Clif bar, and some water. I was proud to wear my Boston bib on the back of my shirt.

 Alison and I in the corral and not really awake yet. 

Way in the back of thousands upon thousands of runners. Next time, I think I'd put myself in one pace corral faster. It would be a more appropriate reflection of my pace, and the field was so crowded that weaving around the people walking at the beginning was rather difficult. One of the very few things I think Nike could improve on next year is to delay some of the corral starts to allow runners time to spread out on the course.

But the most amazing thing was that just before the race started, the officials called for a moment of silence to honor the victims of the Boston Marathon bombings. And within a few seconds, all 15,000 runners plus the thousands of spectators all gathered together in that small space of a couple blocks were utterly and completely silent. You could hear the birds chirping. You could have heard a pin drop. Time truly stood still. It gave me such goosebumps!

 Had the honor of watching sunrise over the Capitol as we waited for the race to start.

As Alison said, "It's like a rave, but with runners!" This was in the 9th Street tunnel that goes under the National Mall. It was within the first mile and the space was filled wall-to-wall with runners. Barely any room to move and you had to be careful not to step on someone else's feet. (This is one place where a staggered start may have helped.) But within this fairly long tunnel, there were two different drummers set up to get hearts pumping and maximize the energy. Super-duper loud and overwhelming in there!
 

As we came out of the tunnel, everyone was funneled onto a narrow off-ramp. It was narrow enough and crowded enough that everyone was forced to a near stop to get through it. We stopped to take a photo of the tight crowd going around the bed after that funnel. So many people!

Over the miles, though, I came to appreciate that crowd - at least once it thinned out a bit. Nowhere else have I seen so many runners in one place who run at my slow pace! It was very gratifying.

Mile 3 rounded around the Lincoln Memorial.

The lawn behind the Lincoln Memorial had a group of Chinese dragon dancers and drummers. They were so enthusiastic and energetic! There were great groups all along the course, but I think my favorite was an all women African drumming group behind the Kennedy Center for the Arts. They were astonishing!

Still feeling great at Mile 3!

Behind the Lincoln Memorial, we ran across Arlington Bridge to the rotary at the entrance to Arlington National Cemetery. Looking back across the bridge at the Memorial was definitely worth of a photo stop.

Mile 7 and still feeling good. This was the start of several miles around East Potomac Park that was kind of lonely. Yes, there were runners all over the place. But there were no spectators, no bands, no one to help us maintain energy through this stretch. There were great volunteers at the water stations trying their best to cheer us on, but they were also overwhelmed by the volume of people coming through. It would have been a great place for a band or two (it is difficult to get spectators out there).

Mile 10 after coming out of East Potomac Park. Legs are starting to get tired and sore at this point despite the smile.

Turning the corner to do the loop in front of the Capitol building. That loop is much longer than it looks, especially when you're on the last couple miles of a half marathon and your legs are pretty well shot!

See that tiny green sign in the middle of the photo? It's the FINISH LINE!!! This was taken during a walk break because we couldn't even make it that far running at this point.

The finish line! There it is!

Just up ahead, we saw Alison's husband and 2 year old daughter (sitting on Daddy's shoulders) on the sidelines. Her daughter's eyes lit up when she spied her mom and she screamed out "It's Momma!" with the biggest grin possible. So adorable.

Little blue boxes from Tiffany's awaited the runners at the finish line.

Handed out by these lovely and gracious young men in tuxedos.

The necklace (in place of a medal) is quite beautiful. The front features the silhouette of a runner on a backdrop of cherry blossoms. The back has the name and date of the race.

We did it. We actually did it. Official time was 2:53. Actual moving time (removing pit stops and photo ops) was 2:40-2:45. Neither of us was able to keep a totally accurate time on our various devices.

'Ama Runs also has a nice race recap. I wouldn't recommend coming into a Nike race and thinking it's like a small road race where you can really do your own thing and find a pace and finish time that pushes you, or really try for a PR. The Nike races seem to be much more about the community and shared experience. If that's your expectation, it can't be beat!

An 8-Year-Old's Views on Magic

Unbeknownst to me, my 8 year old son has been doing a lot of thinking about magic. When he explained his thoughts to me, I was completely blown away by the sophistication and thoroughness of his ideas. This one is quite the deep thinker. 

He has come up with three different kinds of magic. Below are his words that he wrote down for me. The comments in red are my own clarifications and elaborations.

=============== 

1. Spell Magic Definition: Things like changing things into other things and making things happen oddly. [Think Harry Potter, witches, flying carpets. What he told me is that this is the kind of magic that isn’t real, but is fun to imagine and write stories about.]

2. Every Day Magic Definition: Every day magic is magic that happens every day in your life like the magic of theater, the magic of community, the magic of animals, the magic of friendship, the magic of family, the magic of music, and so on. [This idea came from the Magic Tree House series of books.]

3. Heart Magic Definition: Magic that only happens in our hearts. Things like Santa and the Easter Bunny are heart magic. Once I thought I ate all my snack at school and at lunch it reappeared! I thought that was heart magic but Katie had sent me two snacks because they were small. [What he told me is that Heart Magic is magic that is real, but only if you believe it with your whole heart. He came up with the idea of heart magic completely on his own after deciding that the other two kinds of magic left something out. He also puts his art teacher at NOA Gallery in this category. He truly believes she can make magic happen through her art and teaching.]

Random Thoughts on the Boston Marathon 2013

1) I've lived in the Boston metro area since 1989. I've always said that Boston is where I happily live, but Phoenix is home. As I lace up and don a race shirt for an easy 4 miles today, I realize that I've been lying to myself. The Valley will always be part of my soul and my First True Home, but Boston is Home now.

2) The explosions have brought together the running community in a powerful way. But let's all remember that, for the most part, it was the spectators who were killed and injured. Not the runners. So if you're a runner, give a special hug to everyone who shows up at races to support you, to the spouse or partner who stays with the kids so you can go on a run or participate in a race, and anyone who enjoys watching races. 

This reminds me a lot of the 1996 bombing during the Atlanta Summer Olympics. My personal opinion is that it's not about the Marathon or Boston or running, but about picking a time and event that would be crowded and draw international attention. We are all innocent bystanders.

Boilerplate

My aunt, Margaret Jane Radin, recently published Boilerplate about all those fine-print agreements we sign or click 'I Agree' without ever reading (much less understanding) just what it is we agreeing to. I'm just as guilty as anyone else about not reading them.

But I've started reading them. Today, I was asked to sign one so my three-year-old daughter could attend a friend's birthday party at a local gymnastics studio. Below is part of the boilerplate I was supposed to sign:

"The undersigned agrees to defend, indemnify, and hold harmless XXX, its officers, managers, members, employees, servants, agents and coaches/instructors and their successors and assigns from and against all legal liability, claims, suits, damages, losses, and expenses, including attorneys' fees, threatened or incurred, and arising from the child's participation, or from any cause whatsoever."

First of all, that's a lot of dense language to get through. How are people who have never attended law school supposed to understand exactly what this is saying and what we're agreeing to?  

I think it's basically saying that I can't hold this gymnastics studio responsible for anything might happen to my daughter, even if the staff is negligent. And that even if I threaten to sue them, I will be responsible for paying their attorney. 

So, what if the instructor walks away while my daughter is on the balance beam, and she then falls and breaks her arm? I can't ask the studio to cover medical costs. What if the studio's managers have neglected to maintain the equipment and something breaks while in use, resulting in kids(s) getting hurt. Not their problem, apparently. At least, that's what they're trying to say.

So what's are we supposed to do? I feel like I'm being held hostage. If I balk at the agreement and boycott the business, my daughter can't go to her friend's party. If I sign it, I absolve the business of any responsibility for keeping my daughter safe.

I discussed today's particular release with my aunt, and here are some of her thoughts, which do make me feel better about allowing my children to participate in these kinds of activities. My added comments are in red.

•  "It used to be that exculpatory clauses (no liability for my own negligence, or worse) were declared by courts to be against public policy and disallowed." Well, that's better. Businesses try to disavow responsibility, but it's not allowed if you get into the court system. 
• "Now there are some states that allow exculpatory clauses, but for negligence only. So, at worst, the cause couldn't - if you went to court - absolve them of gross negligence or recklessness." So there are some states that are okay with businesses disavowing responsibility, but only up to a point. This is where it becomes apparent that it makes a difference who our judges are.
•  "Some parents are saying, 'Since you're making me sign away my rights to hold you liable for harming my child, I need to see your safety guidelines and safety records, I need to see the background checks on your employees, I need to see your equipment maintenance records, etc.'" Not a bad idea. Parents really need to start protesting these things and make it known that signing away rights is a huge problem.
•  "There does seem to be a trend for enforcing [these releases] with regard to negligence, for recreational activities." So more and more cases are allowing releases to stand for negligence, but less so for gross negligence. See this document that outlines cases and trends state-by-state.
•  "It's still true in some states that these clauses are disfavored, even for simple negligence (such as WI). And in some states, whether or not they're enforceable is a jury question (such as AZ). They the clauses are still completely illegal in CT and LA."

Brett's Macaroni and Cheese

	Several people have asked for this, so here it is. My husband's yummy homemade mac-and-cheese recipe. This is the first thing he ever cooked for me after we'd been dating for a few months. Too bad only one of my three kids likes it (for now).

Ingredients

16	Oz	Uncooked Macaroni		1		Sweet Onion -- Chopped
		Shells, Elbows, Or Whatever		2	Tbsp	Flour -- More Or Less
1/2	Lb	Velveeta		1/4	C	Milk -- More Or Less
4-6	Oz	Cheddar Cheese Block -- More Or Less				bread crumbs - optional
2	Tbsp	Butter

Instructions

1. Cook pasta and set aside.
2. Cut the Velveeta and cheddar cheese into cubes. Place the cheeses in a saucepan. Slowly melt the cheeses over med heat, stirring frequently. (Can also be done in the microwave - just heat in small time increments to avoid burning and stir often.)
3. In a skillet, melt the butter. Add onion and saute until golden brown. Remove from heat. Add flourand milk to onions and stir to make a goopy mess.
4. Combine pasta, melted cheese, and onion mixture in a large bowl or pot. Stir well. Add more milk as needed to attain desired consistency.
5. If desired, put macaroni and cheese in a greased, oven safe casserole and top with bread crumbs. Bake at 350 for 15-20 mins, or until a golden crust forms.

Notes 

Can use any mix of cheeses desired. I know Velveeta is a no-no among foodies, but I can't find a good, easy substitute for getting the right creamy texture. Last time I made this, I used a cheddar with bacon that made it soooo good!

10 Foods I Want My Kids To Cook

Today, the "On Parenting" blog in The Washington Post published a post about "10 foods a kid should learn how to cook". I commend the idea behind this - I've (kinda) written about it myself. And while I like the Washington Post list, I might alter it a bit if I were to publish in that large a blogspace. Here's my take on it. 

Quoted from the Washington Post article: 

"In his 2010 TED presentation, celebrity chef Jamie Oliver announced his hope that “every single American child leaves [high] school knowing how to cook 10 recipes that will save their lives.” Because many chronic diseases can be prevented by proper nutrition, I agree with Oliver; for our kids’ sake, we should teach them to cook. 

Have I taught my son how to cook? I hate to admit that the answer is no, I haven’t. I’ve taught him about healthful choices, and I’ve fed him well every day. At 9 years old, he is familiar with the kitchen, and he knows how to peel, chop and measure, but if he were at college right now, I doubt he would know how to make a real meal for himself. 

I imagine he will have limited cooking equipment those first years on his own, along with a limited budget, but fast food, takeout and prepared meals shouldn’t be his only options. I want him to know what to do with all of the healthful vegetables and foods we’ve eaten here at home so he can nourish his body and brain. So I am on a new mission to teach my kids to cook, starting with 10 recipes that will nourish them, inexpensively, and make them a big hit on Super Bowl day — or, dare I say, on a date?"

I'm already, with the help and support of my husband and the kids' grandparents, teaching my kids (ages 10, 7, and 3) their way around a kitchen. There are basic techniques and skills that are critical - reading a recipe, how to clean and chop fruits and veggies, slice meats, saute meats and veggies, etc. And I think we could do more to talk about seasonings and what tends to work together well (and what doesn't!). 

But I hadn't yet thought about basic recipes that they should leave the house being able to prepare. Actually, recipes they should be able to shop for and prepare. So here's my list. Some are the same, some are different.

1. Pasta and tomato sauce. Yes, it's okay to use jarred sauce as a starting point. Especially when you're first out on your own. But I want my kids to know how easy it is to doctor up jarred sauce (add ground beef, frozen meatballs, or even chicken pieces; throw in just about any chopped veggie imaginable) to make it something special really easily and inexpensively. And if they're interested, I'll even teach them how easy it is to make tomato pasta sauce from scratch.
2. Meatballs/meatloaf. Deceivingly easy. Can even add in shredded veggies. For use in more than just pasta sauce, too. Meatballs can work in soups, with creamy sauces, or just by themselves. Meatloaf is basically the same thing as meatballs, just without the work of making all the little balls.
3. Stir fry. This is one of my go-to weeknight dinners. Use any vegetables (fresh or frozen) and meat (or no meat) you want, simple seasonings, serve over any variety of exotic or mundane rice or noodles. This is primarily a lesson in technique and knowing how long different veggies need to cook. And if you can create a stir fry, you can saute just about anything successfully.
4. Roasted chicken. Totally agree with the "On Parenting" author about this one. So easy, so impressive, and creates tons of leftovers for a variety of uses.
5. Scrambled eggs. Inexpensive source of protein for any meal. Easy to load with veggies for more nutritional impact.
6. Muffins and "quick breads". A banana muffin or a slice of zucchini bread can be a wonderful snack. Made with whole grains, fruits, and/or nuts, they can be a healthier alternative to so many snack options. And what young adult isn't going to snack?
7. Homemade soup. Start with sauteed onions and garlic. Add any combination of veggies, meat, and beans, and maybe a starch (mini pasta, rice, potato). Cover with broth and season. Voila!
8. Grilled meats and veggies. Whether on an outside grill or an indoor grill pan, grilling meats and veggies is simple yet so delicious (if not overcooked). Just a simple marinade or dry rub will usually do the trick. Even just bottled BBQ sauce!
9. Baked potatoes. Microwave or oven cooked, they make a great base for almost any meal. Can be used on their own as a side, or pour any sort of sauced main dish over the top.
10. Homemade cake. Let's not pretend dessert doesn't exist. There will always be special occasions, and the ability to create a straightforward cake or cupcakes with frosting (and not use a boxed mix) adds something special. 

If my kids have the confidence to cook these simple, hearty dishes then I will have confidence that they can feed themselves as needed without undue reliance on packaged, processed food-stuffs. Seems like a reasonable goal. 

Now, I'm off to make a stir-fry for dinner!

What I Want My Kids to Know

Many years ago, I wrote about what I want to teach my children so that they can function as adults on their own. Just this week, I was reminded of a Huffington Post article in which the author (Lindsey Mead Russell) describes what she wants her daughter to know before her 10th birthday.

While I agree with every point that Russell makes, I found myself getting more and more upset at her implications that these points are salient just for girls. As the mother of a 10 year old son (plus a 7 year old son and a 3 year old daughter), I have pretty much the same goals for my children. They're really not dependent on gender.

I don't know who my children will marry, or even if they will marry. I don't know if they will ever have children. I don't know if they will live near or far or how they will support themselves. But in response to Russell's article, here are the foundations I want to give them, boys and girl alike, so that they will have the values and beliefs that, I think, will give them the best chance at satisfaction and happiness. Some are the same as the Russell article, and she deserves the credit for them, while some have my own spin on them.

1. It is not your job to keep the people you love happy. Not me, not Daddy, not your siblings, not your friends. Our happiness is not dependent on what you do or don't do. Just be yourself - no one can ask any more of you.

2. You should never be afraid to share your passions. There may come a time when you find yourself embarrassed that you still like to play video games or watch Curious George, for example, and you might worry that others may make fun of you. Anyone who teases you for activities you enjoy is not a true friend. This is hard to realize, but essential.

3. It is okay to disagree with your parents, and others. You are old enough to have a point of view, and I want to hear it. So do those who love you. Don't pick fights for the sake of it, of course, but when you really feel someone is wrong, say so politely. You have heard me say that you are right, and you've heard me apologize for my behavior or point of view when I realize they were wrong. Your perspective is both valid and valuable. Don't shy away from expressing it.

4. You are so very beautiful. Your face now has remnants of the baby you were and the young adult you are quickly becoming. You have pieces of me and of your Dad but you are also someone purely unique. As you grow older and become more aware of society's artificial ideals, please remember how special you are in your own right.

5. Reading is essential. Reading is one of the great joys of my life. I will read anything and everything I can and miss having hours upon hours to sit on the sofa with a book. I am immensely proud and pleased to see that you seem to share this joy. I see you disappear for hours in the morning into a book, and it warms my heart. I love reading books with you, or even just reading the same books you do, and the in depth conversations we have about characters, plots, predictions, surprises, and new knowledge. Welcome to this amazing world of the written word where you can learn anything and imagine even more.

6. Writing is essential, too. It doesn't matter who you are, or what you do with your life. If you can write - essays, emails, business proposals, technical documents, creative stories, anything and everything - you will go far. Writing is about respectful communication of your thoughts in a coherent and well-reasoned way, and making others understand your point of view and where you're coming from even if they don't agree. You may convince some to see things your way, but even if you don't you will be part of an intelligent discourse. Assuming others can write well, too.

7. You are not me or your Dad. In some ways, you can be very like us. Especially your Dad! But you are your own full and complete person. I know I sometimes forget this, but that doesn't make it any less true. Separation from your parents is the fundamental task of adolescence, I know, which I can see glinting over the horizon. I dread what's coming but I know how vital it is. The thing is, we're going to be here, me and your Dad, no matter what. Our relationship with you will stretch and mold and change, and it won't all be smooth sailing. And once the transition is accomplished there will be a new, more adult relationship. I know that too.

8. It is almost never about you. When people act in a way that hurts or makes you feel insecure, it is almost certainly about something happening inside of them, and not about you. Believe me, I know how feelings can slice your heart, even if your head knows otherwise. But maybe, just maybe, it will help to remember that almost always other people have their own struggles, even if they're unconsciously taking it out on you. You can't know the entire story to fully understand why someone is acting the way they do, so your best course of action is to treat them with respect and sympathy, remove yourself if necessary, and remember that there may be a back story and it's not about you.

9. You are worthy of respect, always, and so is everyone else. It doesn't matter if you agree or disagree with someone else, you and they are still always deserving of respect. Others should always be respectful of your ideas, thoughts, opinions, boundaries, and (specifically) your body. No one should pressure you to change your beliefs or values if you don't want to, or do anything you're not comfortable with. If they do, they're not worth having in your circle. You can still show them respect, but that doesn't mean you need to spend your time and energy with them.

10. There is no one person who can be your everything. Be very careful about bestowing this power on any one person. Trying to fill an unnamed hole or emptiness with other people (or with anything else, like food, alcohol, numbing behaviors of a zillion sorts you don't even know of yet) is a lost cause, and nobody can possibly live up to the task. There are no damsels in distress or knights in shining armor. Relationships (familial, platonic, and romantic) should enhance and support who you are and never make you feel dependent, unworthy, inadequate, or disrespected.

I may raise my voice at times when I probably shouldn't, and snap at you when you don't deserve it, but I love you and your brother and sister more than I could possibly put into words. I'll admit I don't always love your behavior, and I'll tell you when that happens. But I will never stop loving you.  No matter what.