My confidence has never been better. I’ve always had self-confidence issues. But over the last ten years I’ve had three children, and it’s amazing what having three little people completely dependent on your to turn them into responsible people can do for your self-confidence. There are still many situations that severely test me, but it’s getting better.
I am more sure of what I want and what I will and won’t put up with. I’ve been through enough emotionally destabilizing events to have the proverbial revelation that “life is short.” I’ve always been pretty good at letting the things that bother me roll off and never giving a second thought. But my patience for such things is changed, and I like that. I have very little tolerance for the bullshit anymore and will call it out. With anyone.
I am also probably in better shape that I have ever been, despite the extra 30 pounds. My sister and a few friends convinced me to start running last spring. I’d been working out fairly regularly at the gym (aside from immediately post-partum), but that was nothing compared to an hour of running.
I had a lovely celebration of my 40th birthday, thanks to my wonderful husband and some amazing family and friends. Brett and I decided to treat a few friends to a nice, adult-only dinner out at the lovely Harvest in Harvard Square. We’d never been there before, but had an amazing time. (Here’s my Yelp review.)
At dinner, I looked around at all these different people from different parts of my life – college, work, family, playgroups. It was really a bit disconcerting to think about everyone making elaborate plans (finding babysitters, dressing up, dealing with the hassle of getting into and parking Harvard Square, etc.) just for my birthday. I guess there’s still the little part of me deep inside that wonders if I’m worth all the trouble. But everyone who was there (and a few who couldn’t make it) hold such a special place in my heart and I was thrilled to spend the evening with them.
I am humbled by the love I feel for these friends (and yes, most of my family counts as friends) and as the years go by I realize more and more how lucky I am to have a life overflowing with good friends, affection, and heartfelt connections.
Which is why I’m proud to say I’m 40!