Friday, October 31, 2008

Babies and Dreams

This is Baby Bonner #3. I'm due around the first week of April, and we don't know if it's a boy or girl.

One of the hardest things about this pregnancy is knowing that my dad won't get to meet this child, and that this child won't know Grandpa John, who died in January 2007. He was an amazing grandfather to his four (at the time) grandchildren, and adored them all. When I told my mom I was pregnant, it just felt so wrong to not be able to tell my dad at the same time.

But then, a few days later, I had a dream. A very vivid dream. I was sitting down to a family dinner in my dining room. I don't remember who exactly was there, but it was something like a traditional family Thanksgiving meal with kids, grandparents, etc. I looked at the head of the table, and there was my dad - sitting back, very relaxed, watching everyone around him get ready to eat, clearly loving being in the midst of family. I turned to him and spoke, and it was like no one else could hear me. What I was saying was just for his ears. And all I said was "I'm pregnant." He looked at me, smiled a very gentle, caring smile, and raised his glass in a toast to me. He never said a word. Then he faded away. And I woke up.

I know my dad would be thrilled to welcome another grandchild. I know he would be so very happy for me. And I got to tell him - he knows. It doesn't make me miss him any less, but I'm happy he knows.